Is Your Marketing Company Your Perfect Match?

Hey! I’m Jared! I really want to start a marketing relationship with you. I may not have the prettiest proposals but I promise I’ll work my heart out for you and put in time on nights and weekends, anything to make you happy. I’m really good at SEO, and I know I’m not great at Social Media, or PPC or Web Design, but I can learn. I’d learn anything for you. Just give me a chance, and I’ll show you I’m better than those polished, professional, jerk agencies. Txt me!

Hey, I’m Sarah. It’s really awesome to get to know you. I'm excited to be graduated and move on into my first job doing #marketing! What's my experience? Well, I grew up with social media my whole life and I’m a really fast learner. Now, my office isn’t like very big and we’ll only be able to meet outside the office, but don’t take that the wrong way, OK? I appreciate the business and it’ll help me pay back my investors (aka Mom & Dad) ;). #socialmediamarketing #entrepreneur #smallbusiness #lovemyfamily #blessed #google #startup #sponsoramillennial

Chet here. What up? I like your style, and we could look soooo good together…as soon as you let me change everything about your brand. I’m ready to create some fresh stuff with all my experience as a Silicon Valley Creative Director. With three unpaid interns doing graphics all day, how could things not work out? Your business will look sooo good, you won’t even need SEO. The design of your website will be so intuitive that you don’t need to worry about what’s above the fold. I know all those zeros look expensive, but you can’t put a price on a good brand.

Wasssssup!!!!!!! So, you’re interested in the vast world of marketing on the internet? Way to break through and try something new! Turns out, I’m just the guy you want to keep around. Nobody does link sharing better than this guy! We’ll get your business’s name out there, and get all the meta keywords we can on your web pages for search engines. Do you need a website? I’m thinking microsites! I’ve done hundreds of them by hand in HTML and PHP. Feel free to call my landline or send me a fax when you're ready to get started. Peace out.

Hey there, I’m Aaron. I’m glad you took the time to read about me and what I have to offer. It’s important to know all you can before getting into a relationship. I’m not going to tell you that I’m the best marketer in the world, but I will show you some case studies, direct you to reviews and explain the many services my company offers. My concern is helping you achieve your business goals through an integrated, holistic approach to digital marketing for true ROI and quality leads.

Well, aren’t you lucky today? I’ve got some quick-hitting tips and tricks to improve your search engine rankings and online presence. I guarantee you'll rank number one for select keywords (with no search volume). To get things moving quicker, I’ll be sending some of your SEO and social media to my friends overseas. Let’s meet soon, OK? My motto has always been, “If at first we don’t succeed, I’ll take your money until you realize it" As soon as I get a cc number we can get started.

My name is Ronald, but you may know me better as your uncle’s cousin’s brother-in-law that does marketing. I've got my blog tricked out with analytics and I've been seeing your IP address. I’ve got a bootleg copy of photoshop (keep that on the down low) and it got me a gig at my dad’s print shop while I finish my online degree. I haven’t had a serious client yet but I’m hoping you could be my first! Is your name Wi-fi? Because I'm really feeling a connection. BRB mom’s bringing down Bagel Bites.

Hey there [Client_Name], I’m Hillary! What’s a smart, attractive, and available business like yourself doing here? Together we could yield unbelievable results, let me show you! I’m 100% genuine and authentic which is why I believe that you should always be original in all marketing that you do from graphic design to website copy. Curious about running ads? The ads I run will absolutely change your life! Swipe right, and I’ll give you 10 ways our relationship can help your business live to 100!

Hey girl, my keywords are optimized to love you! I’m looking for someone who’s down for some growth hacking. You’re so important to me, I will dedicate a whole two hours of my four hour work week on your account. Some may call my marketing style vain, but I know that engagement is the key to any successful campaign. All my friends are getting married and having kids, but I’m just looking for someone who loves the boost button as much as I do. Could we be a beautiful match made in heaven? Venmo me bae #MakeItRain

Whatsup, I’m Vicky. Rules are made to be broken, now let’s get started. For this relationship to work, you’re gonna need to have some money upfront via Bitcoin. You could spend time building links...or we could just buy them and spend time having fun [devil emoji]. Everyone is doing it, I’m just not afraid to admit it. Sure, I’ll take a few risks, but that’s what it takes to get results. If you’re man enough to do what the big boys do, let’s chat.